On this, the day after the American election, I have found myself stopped, standing in the middle of the kitchen floor, or on a stair, hand on the railing but not moving, simply standing. I have sat still in this chair, and then that one, and even here, have found myself frozen with hands on the keyboard–an innocent body housing my stupidly gullible, wounded soul, physically manifesting my sadness, my disbelief at what has happened. There isn’t much to say on this day, at least not yet. Hands frozen on the keyboard again. This essay isn’t about how Trump won the 2024 election, or why so many people with thumbs voted for him. This essay is about finding helpful words for those of us who are horrified right now.
I was up at six this morning, made coffee before I saw the election results. I began all of this standing still before the sun came up, before the neighbourhood skunk had wandered through the back yard. I like the skunk as long as it keeps moving through; I know it is unlikely to deviate from its’ instinctual behaviour of spraying as a defence, and I don’t expect it to. Humans are more complex. We have the ability to override our baser instincts and exhibit varying degrees of moral character depending on how we take responsibility for our place in the world, and the compassion and graciousness we show to others. This election result has taken my foolish fantasy that most people have good moral character and dashed it to pieces like meringue on a freeway. I realize, after so much effort to drill down, to find and describe rising feelings, that I am weary of being disappointed. So, “moral character,” and the lack thereof, and “disappointment.” What brought it all home came when I got in touch with my two sons and told them how much I loved them. This action came with the deepest, the truest feeling and I wept.
I wept. I wept.
“Love” is the key. It always has been. There is love of the world and all that that entails, or not. I was already working overtime to shore up my fractured faith in the possibility that something good could happen. I'm going to have to shake off this disbelief and find my way back to it; somehow get unfrozen and move through.